Sometimes You Just Need To Breathe
by AmyHale
Summary: Addison was depressed, and he wasn't there for her. With her. So, it didn't feel wrong to blame her death on the man he knew hurt her badly. A big part of it, though, was all to be said his own fault, and he admitted it with shame.-Kind of a happy ending-


**A/N: I know, I'm infuriating. I should be writing "Secret" and I end up writing a one-shot instead. But I have so many ffs I want to write, that sometimes I NEED it :D**

**Anyway, there are some ****things that you need to know before****.**

**This is set in S3 of PrP and S6 of GsA. Derek is NOT with Meredith and they never got back together after the S3 finale. When Derek knew about Addison and Sam's story (which started earlier than in the show) he was furious because he couldn't stand the idea of them together. Now though they aren't together anymore, but you'll see. That's all, I think. Oh, and Addison and Derek haven't talk for about a year. And she ISN'T barren :D**

When Richard Webber walked towards him down the hall, Derek knew something had happened to his ex-wife. He read it in his eyes. It was written all over his face.

"What is it?"

"You know she was depressed..." he said hesitantly, his voice deformed by the pain.

"Yes, I know. But everybody told me I could do nothing."

Richard nodded, gathering strength to say the galactic meaning of his next sentence.

"Addison... slit her wrists."

BOOM. Silence.

"Oh. Yeah. Okay. Is she at St. Ambrose? Is she coming here? They should transfer her here. Or maybe I could go down to LA... can I have the week off?"

This time, Richard shook his head sadly.

"What is it, Richard?" fear was starting to come.

"Derek."

"WHAT IS IT?" his echoing voice vibrated through the hall, and the people that before were watching discreetly were really staring now.

"Addison slit her wrists." he repeated automatically. "And now Derek, please, I don't need to say it again."

"SHE'S STILL ALIVE!" he yelled once again, as his chief turned around and left.

"SHE ISN'T... SHE can't... No... No!" he sobbed falling down on his knees.

"Der." He couldn't hear Mark's voice, or his hand on his shoulder, as he sat on the floor next to him, grieving as well.

He could feel nothing, except the hard need to punch Samuel Bennett.

* * *

"_Hi Derek." she said on the phone, with a voice that sounded tired._

"_Addison, hey, hello."_

"_Look, there's this thing... a thing that makes me happy. And you have the right to not feel good about it, I don't think you will, but it's okay if you feel weird. Derek, I just wanted you to hear it from me, before I send the invitations. I'm getting married."_

_She gave him a few moments to assimilate the news._

"_You know that guy - you know him well."_

"_Is it Mark? Because I'd kill you both. I-I don't even want to know. Why did you call?" he told her sharply._

_Addison sighed. "You really can't forgive me, can you?" she asked sadly. "No, it's not Mark. It's Sam, Sam Bennett. I thought I could stand to hear your comments... but now I don't want to. I'm happy, and that's all that matters."_

Too bad it wasn't.

* * *

"We have to... think of the funeral." Naomi said, toying with her bracelet. She had turned up on his door three hours earlier, and Derek hadn't said a single word yet.

"You do it."

"She would have wanted you-"

"I can't, Naomi. I'll just come, but I can't plan the funeral of the woman I've been married to for almost twelve years." he moved from the kitchen area, and sat on the green armchair on Naomi's right.

"There's a thing that she didn't tell you, in the last year, since the way you acted at the thought of her marrying Sam. Addie had a baby. Her name is Hailynn, she's four months old."

BOOM. Fog.

"Are you okay, Derek?" she asked worried after a while.

"I guess." furred words came out of his mouth.

"Sam is so so sorry Der."

* * *

"_Hi Derek... It's Naomi."_

"_Naomi, hey." Derek answered, raising an eyebrow. Why was his ex-wife's best friend calling him, when they hadn't talk in years?_

_Naomi bit her lip, and her knuckles turned white as she squeezed the phone. "Something...happened, last night. It's... look, you don't have to come. It's all under control, we've talked to the police and the doctors, and Addison will be just fine."_

"_What's wrong with her?" he couldn't help but feel concerned about this._

"_She... got hit by someone and is in hospital. BUT, she has just a broken rib. Just one."_

"_Naomi?"_

_She made a grimace, knowing the question he would ask._

"_Do you know who did it?"_

_She didn't answer, collapsing in the pain of knowing that person, of having married, at the time, that guy._

"_Naomi." Derek almost syllabified her name._

"_Derek, Sam did it." and her heart was tore apart._

_Before he could find an answer, or another angry question to make, Naomi spoke again._

"_It's not his fault. You have to understand, he has those fits of anger, and he was always able to stop just in time, to only use the words, but now he can't and I'm sorry... he's sorry..." she sobbed._

"_Why are you trying to make up excuses? There's none. It's... unforgivable. What did the police say? Is he going to jail?"_

_Naomi sniffed. "He did. But it wasn't serious, and they let him out since we paid the bail."_

" _'We'?"_

"_I." she admitted._

"_Goddammit Naomi. What if he killed her?"_

"_For now he didn't... He's just so sorry... so sorry..."_

"Can I come in?"

* * *

He glanced at the door, nodding slightly to Mark as he tied his tie. She had given it to him as a present during their fourth year together, for Christmas. He couldn't believe he was using it to go to her funeral.

Mark sat on the bed, rubbing his eyes and sighing.

"Derek? I'm sorry I slept with Addie that night." he finally managed to say.

"Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter anymore now."

"It does. Because this would never have happened."

Derek's body tensed up. Mark was right.

He turned to face him.

"This just happened because I was a jerk."

Mark hesitated. "You can still make it up for that."

He looked at him incredulous. "How?"

"Don't you want to meet Hailynn? To see how her little daughter is similar to Addison? I'm sure they look alike, and I've only seen the photo."

"Yes. Maybe, after the funeral."

Hadn't he been so proud and heartbroken he would have admitted that he was scared to meet again her green eyes.

* * *

Six weeks had passed, and Derek didn't know how, but he had ended up in his living room, with signed adoption papers and Hailynn in her pink baby's chair set on the coffee table.

He smiled, caressing softly her black hair and tickling her under the chin.

"So," he told her. "Let's have a look at your mommy's stuff." he started to rummage into a big carton that Naomi had sent him from LA, with some of Addie's things.

"What is that, Hails? Yes, it's a diary. Apparently Mommy had a diary... should I read it? Well, I'll do it anyway... but don't tell anybody; it's our secret okay?" he looked at her and laughed, as she giggled happily.

"Mmm." he opened the diary, and browsed through it curious.

He raised his eyebrows as he read 'Rules, Age 11'. He looked forward, and saw the title 'Rules, Age 14', and back there were other pages with the other ages.

Derek laughed, seriously amused by that thing. "You know what baby? Your Mommy wrote a whole book full of rules for you... for example: 'Age 7, number one: bedtime is half past eight.' Or, number three: 'No TV after dinner.' I really have to keep this book. Addison was a genius. It's awesome! I will need it someday."

He glanced at the girl. "Don't worry, I'll spoil you anyway."

**A/N: You're lucky today, two one-shots :) Don't kill me though! I hope I didn't make any mistake. I mean, I don't know if the bail thing is actually possible. And don't be mad about Naomi... she's not a bitch, it's just that she loved Sam and she still can't believe what he did. Oh, and another random information that I didn't want to write earlier: Addison got pregnant **_**after**_** Sam hit her, or well, she found out later. And, from that moment, depression started, even if she was expecting a baby.**

**I also couldn't decide how to write the baby's name. I like the sound, but have no idea of how I have to write it. So if you don't like it just tell me and I will change it.**


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